Detox Diaries # 11

     . . .that emotional neglect is absolutely a real thing. A real thing that’s been the invisible, insidious force behind the entire ‘Detox Diares’ series. Specifically, Childhood Emotional Neglect which is commonly referred to CEN.
The goal I had in mind when I decided to write publicly about stuff like this was to free myself from the many memories and experiences from my formative years that had forever altered my personality, outlook, and how I would carry out my relations with other people. And unfortunately, most of those alterations have been for the worse. There’s also a few other things that I wanted . . .
* To be free and finally heal
* To stop pretending that I am totally fine. I’m not, and I’m going to be completely and brutally honest about how I got that way.
* To say in writing what I felt I never had time to express to people verbally. My thoughts are much longer and complex than 6-second soundbytes, people!
There were a few bonuses:
* Polish my writing skills
* Get a little blogging practice in before I started doing I for real
And then, there was the coup de grace: maybe, just maybe, coming to a better understanding about the ultimate reason why I was so driven into living such a secretive life. And then possibly making all the loneliness I’ve felt all these years to finally end and my inner critic to be forever silenced. It would have all be a dream come true!
Before taking on this project, I had no idea that people could even be emotionally neglected. I also had no idea I was writing about my own journey through CEN of all things and just about all of its documented effects. Just finding out about it, in some twisted way, is more than I ever could have hoped for. At long last the dark, unseen force that overshadowed my every victory and moment of genuine peace had a name and it couldn’t hide its presence from me anymore. I only hope that it can no longer hide from whoever reads my words and the article that appear above and below them on this WordPress blog.
My new awareness of CEN along with other forms of emotional neglect wasn’t an accident though. The deeper I got into writing Detox Diaries (eloquently spilling my guts all over social media), the more I wondered if being emotionally underfed was something that could actually happen to people. I took to the internet for answers and my search took me to some very interesting places:
1. Emotional Deprivation Disorder – no clear definition or indicators and some nonsense about . . .tapping. The eff is that?! . . .moving on . . .
2. Emotional Starvation – a whole lotta nothing.
3. Emotionally Stunted – what I saw was primarily aimed at women dealing with men who fit this description. This one was WAY off the mark so I moved on to the next item.
4. Emotional . . .Neglect? – the Safari Browser on my phone kindly filled in that query for me. That’s how I found the article I’m linking to in this post.
It was the first of many that helped me to conclude that I in fact had been emotionally neglected growing up. I will be sharing them all on my timeline for all to see and as proof that I didn’t pull this whole CEN thing out of my ass. And who knows? Perhaps someone out there might be helped. They might come to an understanding about why they see themselves as such a screw-up as adults despite having a “normal” or “happy” childhood. (That’s right. Just keep telling yourself that your spouse drags you into therapy “for no damn reason” . . .)
It might sound strange, but there is one item of business that I have yet to discuss in depth: just who that certain person I’ve been mentioning all this time is. I’m just gonna go ahead and admit that it’s . . .


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